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Good Morning Friends and Happy Monday! 

I hope you all had a lovely and relaxing weekend. We’re watching our landlord’s dog Bentley for a week so I spent mine wrangling two morkie pups. That’s right – two morkies! I got some really cute pictures of them I can’t wait to share. They play so well together and Heidi, surprisingly, entertains Bentley’s pursuits haha. Luckily, they’ve been taking lots of naps because I’ve been trying to wear them out in the backyard running laps around the tree. They love the squirrels…well…they love chasing the squirrels. Heidi hattesss them and Bentley still seems scared lol. Anyhow…

I thought I would chit chat with you all a little while today about some things that have been going on in my life and some frustrations I’ve felt lately. I’ve had a really positive response to my more candid posts so I thought I’d share more than usual about what’s going on behind the scenes. If you read my post here about some recent changes in my life, this will all make more sense. The short version is I decided to leave my job as a contractor a couple weeks ago and have been trying to decide what I want to do next. I currently work, almost full-time, as a stylist and what I would consider, part-time, as a blogger. It’s probably still considered a “hobby” which is okay but has been growing by the day so it’s becoming more than that. I’ve also shared briefly in the past in a post here that I suffer from anxiety and have for many, many years.  

For some reason, last week was a rough one for me. I felt much more anxious than usual and found myself so frustrated at times I almost felt paralyzed by indecision and irritation. And here’s the thing. My life in general, especially my personal and love life, are fantastic, no complaints. But the small things stacking up in my “work” life just seemed to get the best of me. It was one of those weeks where one thing happened, and then another, and another, until I was at my wits end with everything. It started with some expectations I set for myself falling below the line, then my Instagram engagement dropping (ugh), my website having technical issues, missing deadlines I set for myself, and overall feeling like I don’t have the direction I need. Those who know me well know I need direction and I love to have a plan. Oh, how I love plans! And right now I don’t really have one. I know what I want and I know what I love but getting there is harder said than done. And I honestly didn’t expect to be in this position so soon. 

I knew one day my goal would be to work for myself or to work remotely 100%. To say that’s what I’m doing right now is great, but I still don’t feel like I have the support beams or foundation in place yet, if that makes sense. SO…the anxiety kicked in. I’ve been an anxious individual as long as I can remember. I think it stems from my need to always be “perfect” and to succeed at everything I do. I’ve always expected nothing less than the best from myself and when I feel I’m struggling or I’m hesitant to make a decision, it really affects me internally. My mood, my interactions with others, my sociability, and my motivation to keep things moving along. 

One of the things I’ve learned rather recently is it’s important to talk about how I’m feeling. I’ve always tried to be so stoic and take care of things on my own or without complaint. But that doesn’t always translate to those around you. I know there have been times when Justin thinks he’s done something wrong or that I’m unhappy, when really I’m dealing with things completely unrelated to our relationship. I opened up to him this past week and ended up feeling so much better. Even though I don’t have all the answers I know there’s someone supporting me who doesn’t judge me for not always being able to explain why I feel the way I do or thinking something is “wrong” with me. That’s always been my fear. That if I talk about my anxiety people will look down on me or think less of me. I’ve had moments where that did, in fact, happen, so for a long time I was like a turtle with its head inside its shell. 

I’m probably rambling now but I hope me opening up more is helpful for those of you who may be feeling similarly. It’s always nice to know others feel the same way or are having similar life stresses, small or big. I am an optimist in the respect that I truly believe everything happens for a reason. My mom always told me this and I’ve grown up finding peace in it as life unfolds. I know I wouldn’t appreciate what I do have or will have if I didn’t have to work hard for it, overcoming obstacles along the way. I’m still working to feel proud of myself and confident in my abilities. I know it will come with time and building the right mindset each and every day.

On a positive note, there are some exciting changes coming to Pardon Muah this week and new ideas coming to fruition so stay tuned for more. I’m excited to share! Thank you for reading and listening. Everyone is always so sweet and supportive and it’s wonderful to feel a growing sense of community here and via social media. I’ll have more life updates coming as they unfold and don’t forget to keep reading for a fab giveaway!

Yay! I’m hosting another giveaway this week! Grace of Thunder was kind enough to send over the clutch I’m carrying in my photos above and the elephant wallet pictured here that you can win! You know what I would also use it for? Jewelry! I was taking photos and realized how wonderfully it would work as a bangle and ring holder. The quality of these products is top notch and I love that they are all hand made, and therefore, all a little different. The owner was even nice enough to extend a 5% off discount with the code #pardonmuah! It’s easy to enter, just see below.

Btw, my one shoulder blush top is only $39 and also come in white!

a Rafflecopter giveaway